Think back to a time when you were at your freest: when your life felt effortless, when your joy was almost palpable. Imagine the smells, the sounds… imagine how the air felt as it blew across your skin.

Now imagine someone telling you that experience was wrong. It didn’t happen that way. Your recollections are not quite right. Your sensations are not appropriate. Imagine being told to instead focus on a tiny fragment of your experience - isolating that fragment from all other feelings that previously accompanied the memory.

The jarring transition from blissful recollection to micromanaged analysis can feel like a whiplash to some, yet it’s exactly what we ask of our clients when we teach them to move by dictating to them how it should feel, why it needs to be a certain way, and peppering them with fear-centered cueing.

Pilates is notorious for being an exclusionary, elitist “hobby” that caters a certain type of person; while the overall demographics of the trade are changing, many of the old ways of communicating with our clients are not. I believe it’s our job, as the next generation of teachers who believe in the power and potential of this work, to chart a new path.

There is an adage that tells us it is better to give than to receive, in many circumstances, the adage stands: what teacher doesn’t bask in the dopamine explosion that overcomes us when we see the magic unfold before our very eyes? I think many of us continue teaching because we witness the fruits of our labour every day - personally, there is no better confirmation that I'm in the right profession than when the last client on a long day stops to say they feel better than they did when they started the lesson. Their joy is my joy, and I would not change a thing.

It can be easy to turn the appreciation of being appreciated into a litmus test of a false truth - a test we judge ourselves harshly for failing - that may lead to impostor syndrome and a myriad of other impediments to our growth as teachers.

I dare say it is self-judgment that saps our humanity as teachers and we must not allow it to be our sole measure of success. The pressure to achieve at all costs can be powerful: it has the potential to take the joy from our teaching and replace it with cynicism and CECs for specialties that do not affect our ability to raise rates (in the eyes of the public). It motivates us to purchase “the next big thing” or pursue the latest and most authentic/contemporary/arbitrarily agnostic training program or workshop because hey! The shiny new thing may make us this much better so we can pass go, collect $200 (we hope), and ascend to the next level.

We must remember that teaching is multidimensional. Many facets are involved in the act of showing up and providing information and knowledge that stretch beyond the order and structure of the session; to judge ourselves harshly for not getting it right immediately without considering all of the nuance and texture that exists within the teacher and client experience is shortsighted at best. We have a tendency, as architects of movement experiences, to base our successes or failures on the physical achievements of our clientele, but I think that can be the easiest part of what we do. Cueing someone or a group of someones to find a shape in their bodies, while sprinkling in the proper anatomical terms, and ending class on time is what teacher training prepares us to do - it does not prepare us for navigating the storm that is a room of one or several humans and their individual hearts and heads and mindsets. We learn to manage the humanity of our clients in real-time. Imagine being trusted to care for a falcon but only being given the part of the book that talks about safety. Is it fair that we base our (or theirs) success on incomplete information?

What if we change the metrics we use to define success? Can we change the client experience in a way that uplifts the educator, so that we may improve the shared experience that is a Pilates lesson?

Far too often, in our haste to be the smartest/brightest/most fantastic-est, we disregard a need that is hardwired into our disposition, and that is to resonate with each other to find ease. It’s not merely a top, down affair; it’s the limbic resonance between us as communal beings that allows us to wordlessly share our hearts and minds and grow together harmoniously.

Limbic resonance can be simply defined as a state of deep emotional and psychological connection between two people. It’s also referred to as emotional contagion or mood contagion. Think about the last time you were with someone who caught a case of the giggles and you couldn’t stop yourself from doing the same - this is limbic resonance.

As another example, consider the feelings that wash over us when subbing a class for a well-known and adored teacher: when we enter the class demonstrating positivity and confidence, we’re much more likely to set a tone that encourages reciprocation of that mood (or at least tacit neutrality). Conversely, if we enter with nervousness and trepidation, the class absorbs and mirrors it back to us.

In asking our public to be vulnerable, and let’s be honest - the mere act of showing up in a Pilates studio can be a test of fortitude - we also ask them to be present. If we order them to dissociate from what they feel and think by leaving their feelings at the door, we may see a detachment from the present, as well as; loss of flow, restricted movement, and the inability to follow instructions, which are all symptoms of detachment in the movement space. This is where the real problem occurs, because in creating a “safe space,” we’ve diminished the safety of our clients, and that is where the trust breaks down.

Rather than demanding the clients to wall off part of their psyches to not upset others, we as teachers can invite our clients to lean in. Our clients deserve the right to show up as they are and be treated with kindness and respect.

But do clients care about any of this? In all of my years of teaching, I’ve only had a single client ask for my credentials… but I’ve had countless clients tell me they feel seen, heard, and respected. My teacher training didn’t teach me how to do that - my parents did.

Clients don’t care about where you come from. The clients who stay - the ones who would follow you to the event horizon and back - need something more from you than a perfect Snake and Twist. They need resonance.

Remember, clients are humans, too and need that connection. Our clients, like ourselves, are still recovering from shrapnel wounds of the past and they bring every wound into the studio along with them.

In my opinion it’s our role to encourage our clients to arrive authentically, speak freely, and learn to understand who they are as movers. Give them the space for self-discovery and give them the right to participate as they are in their session. People grow not only because of the repetition of skills and sound pedagogy but also because of a mutual belief in one another. That support is mutually beneficial - when our clients grow, we grow. We are active participants in our clients’ evolution, and that motivates us to keep going!

For the most part, clients STAY with us because of our ability to relate to them - to meet them where they are and walk beside them.

Recognizing our need to be seen for our talent is a human condition that makes us real. It’s the authenticity that makes us relatable and provides dimension to our teaching. It keeps us going, even when things get monotonous (owning the potential for monotony in the trade is another important part of owning our humanity, FWIW).

Yes, we can evolve our connections, avoid burnout, and share in felt experiences. To do so we have to create an energetic flow that serves all parties involved. And yes, that means us as well.

As a teacher of Pilates for more than 20 years, Misty Lynne uses her brand, Dragonfly Pilates, as a platform to enhance the lives of her students inside and outside of the studio. She strives to bring equity and humanity to Pilates by creating spaces in which people can show up as their true selves and deepen their resonance with themselves and movement.

How do you resonate with your clients

Improve your Reformer class flow

Hiring the right people