Is It Really A Mentor You're Seeking?
Do you really understand the process of mentoring and why it is important?
Over the years I have had people approach me for mentoring. My response is always the same: why are you wanting a mentor and what is it that you want from the process? Sometimes people look at me, and say well I want a mentor because” I want to be like you”. Whilst at first that may seem flattering, to my mind it is a big red flag and that perhaps I am not the right person for them. Why is that? How do you help others or be helped and supported by others through mentoring; and more, is what I will consider in this article.
So let’s start with what mentoring is NOT. Mentoring is not an unequal relationship in which someone is trying to make you “into a mini them”. A true mentorship arrangement is one in which the prime goal is to help the mentoree reach their full potential. A mentor must create a holistic and caring approach to support long term development of the mentee not just in a specific role but also in developing their potential and evolution to future roles or choices. The relationship is between individuals not a brand and is definitely not limited to a single methodology or franchise.
Mentoring is generally NOT task orientated eg the completion of your thesis or preparation of a paper; that is supervision. From time to time you may need a “supervisor” to hold you accountable and support you through the process of preparing a particular article, workshop or even an inhouse training. A mentor might include this sort of task based activity as part of supporting a person to build confidence in reaching their potential as a teacher trainer.
Mentoring is NOT about just building a skill for example in cueing or programming. These skills are important and should be taught as part of your base level training and refinement can be part of your mentoring. However, a mentorship arrangement could help you develop the reflection skills to look at your teaching, relationships and so many other forms of communication in your life. A mentoring relationship helps you explore the context of your communication on many levels it’s much more than just a job description.
Mentoring is NOT about a workout, where you learn new repertoire and practice.That process is called self mastery, and is important as part of your health and longevity as a movement professional. However, doing just this alone is not mentoring.
Emerging from this picture is that mentoring requires a relationship between the parties, and it is one that is intended to have an element of longevity, beyond more than line management in an organisation. As such mentoring cannot be considered a passive experience, if that is the case you may as well attend a one off workshop here and there. Mentoring requires a purposeful relationship which was described by Dr Carole Bland as:
“collaborative, learning-centered, purposeful, competency-driven, and career-oriented. All of these characteristics are at the core of both in-person and virtual mentor-mentee relationships.”
At the beginning of the article I talked about people “saying I want to be like you as a red flag”. This is because as “the saying goes never meet your heroes” because they will disappoint you as they cannot meet your projections. If you are wanting a mentor, they need to be someone with whom you can have a purposeful relationship.. As a mentor that is a hard thing to achieve, but it is essential to help people understand this in part of your relationship in which it is an honest one that at times involves failures but more importantly a reflection on the lessons that can be learned from those failures. Hero relationships are not a good basis for mentoring, unless there can be a clearing of inappropriate comparisons. It is also about having trust with someone who can help you feel safe as you step out of your comfort zone.
The implication being that mentoring supports you beyond your current position and your involvement in a particular franchise or studio, or a particular approach. As such it requires you as the mentee to acknowledge the longevity of your own career and investment and evolution, keeping you fresh and challenged whilst still grounded in skills.
The MENT in mentoring
This brings us to the MENT in mentoring, it is from the concept of the mind, not “mental as anything” but more mental as in thinking, reflecting and communicating. When you work with a mentor they are helping you to reflect and think about the what, why and how of your now but also of your past and future. A mentor can help you appreciate how your “history rhymes” and how you can develop new strategies. Probably, the most notable of rhymes is that Joseph Pilates himself was often challenged and questioned by an “establishment” not open to a different way of thinking. In our current era “the pilates establishment” can sometimes be rigid in their thinking and approach undermining the capacity for practitioners to innovate, question and explore in the same way as the founder of the Pilates Method. Also many pilates practitioners can still find themselves in a limbo land not quite part of established professions and institutions, which can challenge the sense of legitimacy or self efficacy in our work and place.
Let us work through an example of what a mentoring relationship might cover.
Jordan organised a catch up with his mentor to discuss some issues he is having with some older clients. Jordan has raised this issue for some time discussing how he is struggling to get these clients to focus on specific exercises and he finds it frustrating working with “these clients”. His mentor has been exploring with him… “do you find a particularly client frustrating or is it the client group”, This has lead to discussions about appropriate strategies and an exploration of whether or not Jordan is working in the right environment for him. Jordan finally acknowledges that his dream is to work with elite athletes and finds working with older clients with pathologies boring and unmotivating. Jordan admits that he really did not think he was “good enough” for this dream, He admits he feels that he is not utilising his potential. Coming to this understanding is not always a simple process and articulating these fears and goals requires trust. The mentor can help Jordan to action the “not good enough mindset”, through coaching techniques or referrals. At the same time the mentor might introduce Jordan to people working in that field. In other words the mentor is helping Jordan identify the way to achieving his potential and goals through coaching, connection and training. Jordan also considers how he might have to add additional qualifications in order to open doorways to some elite sporting teams.
So what’s the difference?
There are many ways that a mentor can support you, but it is important to be clear if you are working with a mentor, supervisor or a teacher.
Working with someone who is a “mentor”, able to build a long term relationship through your career. Is your mentoring helping you to grow and evolve, and that might mean you will grow beyond your “job description” or “current containers”.
Working with a “supervisor “ for a specific task, and whilst this could be with your mentor it could be with a person with skills that can support you on that contained project. For example, you are wanting to set up your own business and need a business plan and a person can help you with this particular part of the project. Discovering a series of supervisors might be appropriate but for the broader and long term project of running a business. A career could require a separate mentor to help you oversee the bigger concept and help you to be accountable to you and your broader project(s).
Working with a “teacher” to achieve a specific skill for example cueing or repertoire. A teacher can help you acquire that skill but a mentor will help you reflect on that skill, its context and how that self mastery relates to your broader potential. A mentor might be also a teacher, but they are offering you more.
A mentor relationship could include a one-on-one option but also may include options for you to work with your peers, in small group sessions. Peer learning can be a great way to build your skills and knowledge and I highly recommend taking advantage of these options if possible. Ultimately, though true mentoring will help you reflect, consider and explore the what and why of what you are doing, and the who that underpins you. Finding a purposeful mentoring relationship can mean you have a coach, a connecter or even a challenger. Providing you with a wise guide to help you be you and help you become the person you want to be, and not merely a piece of a system or structure created by others.
I appreciate that the way I am talking about mentoring is making it sound a bit like a marriage, and perhaps it is a work marriage. Remember it takes a few dates before you find that right partner, and we play the field for awhile, swiping along on some deeply unsatisfying app as you look for that special person with whom you can connect.
My suggestion is you go to conferences and workshops, all of those face to face events where you can meet and chat with people. These opportunities give you an opportunity to feel “the vibe” of people and develop a sense of who you might be able to call upon and with whom you can build a connection. Failing that there are a number of people offering paid mentoring arrangements. These can be fantastic opportunities if you have clarity about their role. Just because it is called mentoring does not necessarily it is, but that supervision or teaching maybe what you need at this point of time, and you can relish in that. Just remember that there is the possibility of more fulfilling long term relationship, and career in movement when you find your mentor.
Carla is the co-director and co-owner of Body Organics and Body Organics Education. Find out more here.
References
Dr. Carole Bland *Bland, et Al. (2012). Faculty Success Through Mentoring: A Guide for Mentors, Mentees, and Leaders. Lanham: Rowman & Littlefield Publishers, Incorporated. P. 12